News from HETFET

Calls have been pouring in to the HETFET HOTLINE, confirming the existence of the red-skinned mystery creature whose recent sightings have put the nation on high alert. Citing a major breakthrough in the so-called “Devil Man” investigation, credible sources claim to have discovered his true identity.

The ongoing war for troll rights takes another step forward, at the expense of Augustine Pharmaceuticals, the makers of the immensely anticipated anti-aging medication Uthyntrol. In what is surely a landmark victory, Augustine was convicted on seven counts of felony cruelty for using troll marrow as the “secret ingredient” in their new line of anti-aging products.

Troll abuse in Colorado is on the rise, according to a recent HETFET report. This follows a startling trend that, unfortunately, the organization has seen before.

Augustine Pharmaceuticals never knew what hit them.

Mariska Herring seemed like just another research assistant.

For weeks, reports of a devil-like figure have been streaming in from across the world. It’s been seen skulking in alleys, leaping on rooftops, roaming through forests, and even (if the report from the small town of Milwaukee Oregon is to be believed) at a fast food drive thru.

It is our great pleasure to announce that Guillermo Del Toro is now part of the HETFET family! Mr. Del Toro (or GDT as he’s affectionately known around here) is a vastly talented and award winning filmmaker with an unflinching pursuit of pure art forms and a tireless devotion to his fans.

What comes to mind when you think about fairies? Most people envision playful sprites merrily prancing around in a grassy field, napping inside flowers, and singing songs of joy.

Augustine Pharmaceuticals announced recently that they are launching a new line of anti-aging products which promise to do what was once thought impossible— reverse the aging process!

Believed to have been forged by mystical alchemists and metallurgists during the time when Trolls freely walked the Earth, the object known only as THE SECRET DEVICE, has thrilled and perplexed those few that have taken gaze upon it.

Springtime is upon us, and as the long nights of winter begin to give way to the dog days of Summer, so too do the Northern Woodbourne Trolls engage in their annual courtship ritual.